It was 2010 and I was in my cabin on a cruise ship with the boys. Yaseen was around eight years old and Waseem around six, and both were extremely excited to be on such an adventure.
I was excited too, but a little more wary, wondering how good an idea it was to be on a ship about to set off on the ocean, how safe it was and how much nausea we might suffer.
Before we could properly settle into our cabins, we were instructed to don our life jackets and make our way to a certain point on the ship for the life drill exercise. As we walked towards the meeting point for the drill, Yaseen asked me what was happening, and I, without thinking, replied that the ship was sinking…omitting the fact that it was simply a drill.
Before I could say anything more, Yaseen dashed off terrified, heading for the stairs leading to the upper deck, leaving me and Waseem behind. I was forced to run after him, and by the time I reached him, a kind, elderly couple had already stopped his wild dash and was trying to pacify him. I did feel bad for scaring my poor child, but thankfully, he moved on from that first bad experience on the cruise to enjoy many more happier ones.
When asked about the cruise after we returned, I didn’t dare mention to my parents the part of me creating panic with the life drill. Firstly, I felt bad about it, and secondly, I knew how protective they were of Yaseen, and I wasn’t looking forward to receiving any lecture from them.
I have come to realize that grandparents love their grandchildren very much, perhaps even more than they love their own children. They fuss over their grandchildren , spoil them, buy them gifts, give them plenty of sweet things to eat and hardly ever discipline them (that’s left to the parents).
And Yaseen was no exception. He was under a year old when he started sleeping over at my parents place. Being the eldest and only grandchild then, he’d had enough time to secure his special spot in their hearts. I’d say ‘no more sweets’, and my mom would let him have more. I’d say ‘he has enough toys’, and my dad would come on with another dinosaur to add to a already sizable selection.
If we, as parents, were in so much pain over Yaseen’s illness, I can’t even imagine the pain that his three remaining grandparents were going through.
It was difficult. Emotionally, really, really difficult. Not just because of what I was going through, but because of what Yaseen was going through and what our families were going through.
But with all difficulty, there comes ease.
I’ve read these verses so many times, heard the verses so many times, heard people talk about these verses so many times. “So, surely, with hardship comes ease.” And then Allah SWT repeats it, reaffirms it, places an emphasis on it with the next verse: “Surely, with hardship comes ease. ” (Qur’an 94:5-6).
I grew to understand that the ease during the times of difficulty was sometimes very apparent, and sometimes very much hidden. And sometimes you realize it in the moment of crisis, and sometimes you don’t. And often it’s hidden in the little things so ‘ordinary’, we simply take them for granted.
There’s the ease that you’re grateful for while you’re battling the storm. It was in the love and support of family and friends. The phone calls and messages to check up on us and see how we were doing. My sisters baking Yaseen’s favourite sweet treats and my mom cooking his favourite tomato food…all this to bring on a smile of delight, and to tempt him to eat when he had lost his appetite.
The gifts, including a t-shirt with a catchy slogan, or a journal, all encouraging him on as a warrior. His friends gaming with him online when they couldn’t play with him in person, and saying things to him that would make him laugh so loud, I could hear him even from behind closed doors.
There was ease in being able afford his expensive treatments and medication. And that I had a flexible job and could take off as much time as needed to be there for him and to spend time with him.
There’s too many ‘eases’ to remember them all, or even for me to know them all. But with all that was happening, there were some things that stood out, and I want to share these with you.
There was a day when I had a conversation with Yaseen about the risks of his treatment, and something amazing became clear as he responded to me. From the child who had run up the stairs of a cruise ship during a life drill trying to flee death, now that same son had developed the strength to not fear death at all.
Yaseen was fighting for life, hoping it was decreed for him, but he was also willing to accept death if it was decreed for him. My 20 year old son had no issue with the decree of Allah SWT, whatever it would be. Witnessing my son speak with this level of faith and conviction, a level that not even I had reached, was the ultimate mercy and blessing.
Truly, ease manifests itself not only in our moments of being tested. Now, writing these blogs, I’m discovering blessings and mercies which I never realized before. And I’ve even discovered that sometimes what we perceive to be ‘bad’, can be something good. And that blessings can be hidden in the littlest, most trivial of things. I have discovered, even as little and trivial as an item of crockery…
While Yaseen was in hospital for the bone marrow transplant, he was struggling to eat. The easiest and most palatable food that he managed to ingest was soup. He grew tired of the hospital food, but we weren’t allowed to take in any home cooked foods for him. Everything that was edible needed to be properly packaged and sealed, with clear expiry dates.
For this reason, I’d take in packets or tins of soup, different flavours so that he could alternate and not become bored. And I bought him a soup mug in his favourite colour blue, with white dots on it. It was meant to take his mind away from the drab hospital crockery, and to be visually cheerful.
So after the treatment and Yaseen was discharged from hospital, this soup mug was given to me to take home. I washed it and packed it away, not even sure if I wanted to keep it because of the horrible time it reminded me of. But still, I held on to it.
I had no idea that a day would come more than two years later, when I would enroll as a student in Islamic studies. I had no idea that at some point, all the pens, pencils, erasers and highlighters would become too much for my small stationery holder, so I would fish out and use a blue mug with white dots that seemed a perfect size to hold everything. This same mug, that once held so many negative memories, became a means of benefit to me as I studied Qur’an and learnt about Islam. There are random moments when I look at this mug while in class or studying, and I wonder about the blessings Yaseen receives because of it..
So trust me when I say that blessings can be hidden in the littlest, most trivial of things, and that not everything that appears bad, is bad – goodness can flow from it. And if you don’t trust me, then trust the Prophets, as they had experienced it too.
Remember the Treaty of Hudaibiyah? This treaty was harsh on the Muslims, and it saddened many companions hearts when our Prophet (SAW) agreed to sign such a treaty. The companions had no idea that within two years, this very same treaty would pave the way for their conquest of Makkah.
And think of when Khidr (AS) poked a hole into a boat belonging to some poor fishermen – it seemed like such a terrible thing to do. But when a tyrant king passed by and forcefully seized all the boats that were good and able to sail, then the damaged boat of these fishermen was spared. The men were able to repair the boat and continue to fish, and only then, in hindsight, could the benefit in their damaged boat be seen.
Yes, there’s blessings in so many things – it’s just that we don’t always perceive it.
It’s in the wind that gathers the clouds, the clouds that causes rain, and the rain that causes the fruits to grow so we can eat from it. It’s in the mountains that pegs down the earth, holding it firm, stopping the earth from shaking as it spins.
It’s even in the calamities that befalls us which erases our sins, or elevates our level and status in Jannah.
And Allah SWT reminds us:: ‘…Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.’ [Qur’an 2: 216]
Truly, so much of it, the ease, we don’t know.