It was barely a month after I had left for Istanbul, chasing an exciting, new career, when I ended up back home, to the joy and surprise of my family. And I found myself lost – I had no job and no idea what I was going to do next.
And then the guidance of Allah (SWT) descended once again, pushing me towards something I had no real interest in pursuing. Knowledge.
Yaseen and Waseem had been attending Qur’an Tafseer classes (classes on the commentary of the Qur’an) while I was in Istanbul. For weeks after I returned, they pleaded with me to attend classes with them. But I always found a reason why I couldn’t. Until 29 January 2018, the day of my birthday.
It was usual for us to celebrate any of our birthdays by going out for supper. But this year, my birthday fell on a Monday, the same evening as the Qur’an class. So I had to make a choice – either we go out for a celebratory supper and the boys would miss class, or we postpone the celebration and I spend the evening with them by joining them in class. I couldn’t justify, to myself, the boys missing out on a class concerning Qur’an, so I made the decision to rather join them.
I have no doubt that on that particular night, an invitation had been sent down through the Heavens to me, like it had on every other night when the boys had asked me to join. But this time was different. This time I had accepted the invitation.
The class had already progressed many chapters into the Qur’an with their discussions, so I just sat and listened as the teacher continued. But then, I experienced a ‘click’ moment.
For some reason, as I sat and listened, the teacher decided to do a recap of the opening chapter, Surah Fatiha.
Suddenly, I saw myself back in Istanbul, praying salaah, reciting Surah Fatiha. I knew I had been praying for guidance, but what I didn’t know was that with each and every verse I was reciting, my Lord was responding to me. Directly.
A personal conversation had been unfolding between me and Allah (SWT), with no angel, or messenger, or anyone else in between. Just me and my Lord.
And the conversation, translated, went like this:
[In the name of Allah SWT, Most Gracious, Most Merciful]
Me: ‘All praise is for Allah—Lord of all worlds’,
ALLAH (SWT): My servant has praised Me.
Me: ‘Most Gracious Most Merciful.’
ALLAH (SWT): My servant has exalted Me.
Me: ‘Master of the Day of Judgment.’
ALLAH (SWT): My servant has glorified Me and My servant has submitted to Me.
Me: ‘You ˹alone˺ we worship and You ˹alone˺ we ask for help.’
ALLAH (SWT): This is between Me and My servant, and My servant will have what he (or she) has asked for.
Me: ‘Guide us to the Straight Path. The path of those whom You have favoured; Not (the path) of those who earn Your anger nor of those who go astray.’
ALLAH (SWT): This is for My servant, and My servant will have what he (or she) has asked for. *
And so there it was, my ‘click’ moment, and suddenly everything started to make sense. Not too long ago, this servant had asked for guidance, feeling lost in a city that vexed her soul. And Allah (SWT) had answered by giving the servant what she had asked for, in the inconspicuous form of a handmade card, but with a clear, unambiguous message.
I had expected to attend tafseer class that one time, as a guest of my two sons for the evening. But that first night in class, I had learnt something about Qur’an that fascinated me. It was now so clear that my Lord was communicating with me via this Qur’an. What else was Allah SWT saying?
I didn’t know, but I wanted to find out. So I signed up for the class and set out on a journey that, till today, has spanned more than seven years (all praise be to Allah SWT)…and I’m still counting.
For most of my life, when it came to my religion, I had chosen the path of ignorance over understanding. So on that day, when I had finally decided to choose understanding over ignorance, I truly had no idea how significant my decision was.
I had no idea that I was actually standing at a door, about to step through into the biggest test of my life. And that understanding the words of Allah (SWT), for my success, was going to be the key.
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[ * For the narrated hadith, see Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 395 ]