There once was a pious man who wished to propose to a woman in a village. So he requested a friend of his to take the proposal to the lady on his behalf. He waited for his friend to bring back an answer, and finally, his friend did return. But what had unfolded was something unexpected. The friend who had taken the proposal had ended up marrying the woman himself.
My immediate reaction on hearing this was ‘how wrong of the friend, how deceitful!’.
But the response of the pious man was different. And his response clearly showed that his level of faith was different.
Instead of responding with anger, he turned to Allah SWT seeking forgiveness. Why?
Because he realized that he had been desirous of something which Allah SWT had not decreed for him, but for someone else.
This man had showed amazing trust and reliance in Allah SWT regardless of the outcome. Now, we were at a point in our own journey where we had to show trust and reliance too, regardless of the outcome. There was an important choice that we needed to make, and we didn’t really know what the consequences of our choice would be. But once we had made our decision, all we could do was place our trust in Allah SWT. Entirely.
Yaseen had a treatment plan to combat the cancer, and part of that plan was maintenance chemotherapy. Maintenance chemotherapy is for that purpose exactly – maintenance. It’s known for being a low intensity chemotherapy with the least toxicity, minimal side effects and designed to prevent the cancer from returning. In summary, it’s meant to improve one’s chances of survival.
And the treatment is supposedly mild. So mild that Yaseen would be able to do the chemotherapy session, and after the session he could head off to university to attend his usual classes.
Even in the early days following Yaseen’s diagnosis, this treatment was part of his proposed treatment plan. And now that he had reached remission and the trauma of the various medical battles seemed to be behind him, it was time for us to make a decision regarding it.
Yaseen, Mujeeb and I were back at the doctor’s table at the beginning of December, earnestly discussing it. This seemed like déjà vu…I was opposed to the maintenance chemotherapy, Mujeeb understood the logic behind doing it, and the doctor recommended it based on medical data and facts.
It was truly a difficult position to be in. Having witnessed the side effects of the chemotherapy on Yaseen, the hatred that I had previously felt for chemotherapy had not dissipated. In fact, it had increased.
I understood why we chose it as a form of treatment for Yaseen, but I could not stand the thought of any more chemotherapy.
That was my immediate, knee-jerk response – a resounding “NO”. And Yaseen seemed to feel the same.
The next few days brought much deliberation. We had little time to try and reach a decision, since the treatment, if we decided to go ahead with it, needed to commence soon.
Sitting in a parked car outside my parents’ home, Mujeeb, Yaseen and I had a family meeting, and this time we decided to include Waseem.
The four of us discussed and debated the treatment, and finally a decision was made. We decided that we would try one session of the maintenance chemotherapy, and then we’d take it from there. If Yaseen reacted the slightest bit negatively to the first session, all remaining sessions would be called off.
For some reason in the car that day, I didn’t voice my objection to the chemotherapy as strongly as I normally did. I was afraid. What if the cancer came back and I’d stopped him from the treatment? Yaseen’s cancer had been stubborn to eradicate in the first place, so was the probability of his cancer returning also higher? I wasn’t sure.
But from our conversations with the doctor, I understood that should the cancer return, it would then be even harder to eradicate. Our options of treatment in such a case would be extremely limited. Already, in our battle to get Yaseen’s cancer into remission, the treatment we had used was a highly advanced form of chemotherapy. There weren’t that many options of treatment left beyond that in the event of a recurrence.
Considering all these things, in our situation, it seemed that prevention was better than cure.
However things unfolded that day when the decision was made with the knowledge that we had, the decision was unanimous, even agreed to by Yaseen.
After the meeting, we entered my parents’ home and Yaseen sat down on the couch. I stood near the passage and just looked at him. And then we conveyed the news to my family of the decision we had taken.
My sister was really concerned and asked him whether he was sure. And what he said next were the words that I would always remember, what I hold onto as some solace. He said he wasn’t too worried, because even if he should die, his sins had been wiped away by all that he had been through, and he would die a martyr. If Allah SWT willed.
That moment was bittersweet. Such sweetness emanated from Yaseen’s faith and trust, and him having such a beautiful expectation of Allah SWT. And the sadness is that I, in that moment, could not be as strong as him. I could not see my life without him.
When we broke the news of the impending maintenance treatment, I sensed that some people didn’t completely understand and agree with our decision to undergo it. They might not have said it outright, but I could sense through their questions, comments or looks that they didn’t think it was a good idea.
With my own trepidation towards the treatment, I could understand theirs. But we had little choice – no matter what we did, there were risks involved. Only, the risks involved with having to fight off cancer again seemed greater, while the risks of the maintenance seemed lesser and more manageable.
Only Allah SWT has knowledge of everything, while we don’t. We do the best of what we can, with what we know. I had prayed so much for help and guidance from Allah SWT…so much.
And so, we conceded – only one session of maintenance treatment, then we would reassess.
We placed our trust in Allah SWT. And we went ahead.
Allah SWT works in mysterious ways, and so I want to share this with you. Do you remember how I mentioned before that I don’t believe in coincidence?
The day that I wrote this blogpost, I read Qur’an and came across the advice that Yaqoob (AS) had given to his sons before they had left for Egypt. And I thought, had Yaseen come to me for advice in our situation, I would have struggled to give him better advice than this:
‘…I cannot help you against (what is destined by) Allah (SWT) at all… It is only Allah (SWT) Who decides… In Him I put my trust… And let all those who trust, put their trust in Him’. [See Surah Yusuf, verse 67]