In the Name of Allah (SWT), the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful
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chasing Jannah – My Intention
It’s been three years, almost four, since Yaseen passed away, and my journey of chasing Jannah has seen many highs and also some lows. But through it all, Allah SWT has never left me on my own. And the journey of this blog, chasing Jannah, is proof of it.
I started writing chasing Jannah a year after Yaseen passed away. I wanted these posts to be a means of helping people who were going through difficulty, and I wanted Allah SWT to be pleased with it. I completed the blogs, but before I could launch, Allah SWT sent me on a different path…
I was studying Qur’an once a week, but I had time to do more. So I decided to do an additional short course in Islamic studies, but I couldn’t decide what. I considered doing the same studies that my sister had completed, but it was spread over years, and I felt like this was too long.
Then one day, a long while later, I was standing in my aunt’s passage and my cousin was standing opposite me. We were chatting, when she randomly mentioned she wanted to do a course in Islamic studies, and would I consider joining her. Since this had been my intention too, I said yes. And our search for finding the right class of knowledge began.
She mentioned a course that she had already done in the past, but she longed to repeat it. Amazingly, it was the same course that my sister had done.
Even though I worried about the course being too long and advanced for me, I agreed to do it. I figured she would be with me, so if I had any issues, she could help.
I enrolled for it, and so did she, but then she experienced some problem with her enrolment. And at the end, I found myself on this two-year journey of studying Qur’an and Islamic sciences, without her.
Allah SWT decreed where I would be, and He put me on a journey of learning so profound, I couldn’t help but want to share these learnings with you.
So, chasing Jannah changed. And the biggest change came with my intention. It went from ‘helping people who were going through difficulty, and I wanted Allah SWT to be pleased with it’ to the way it should have been from the start. ‘I want Allah SWT to be pleased with it, and may He allow it to help others going through difficulty’.
Chasing Jannah needed to be written for the pleasure of Allah SWT. Because His pleasure is the ultimate success.
At this point, I need to thank my teacher from Dar al-Turath al Islami, who taught me Qur’an before my test came, during my test, and continues to teach me after my test has passed. And I would like to thank my teachers from Darun-Na’im Institute, who broadened my knowledge and thinking, helping me understand my tests better. May Allah SWT reward them all, Ameen. Allah SWT used them to inspire me, and by His permission, I’m hoping to inspire you.
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chasing Jannah – My Reflections
I’ve learnt a lot and reflected so much since the day Yaseen passed away. Some of the learnings and reflections have left the greatest impact on me, and these are the ones I’d like to share with you.
1.
Just hours after Yaseen passed away, the devil started whispering. I began asking myself: ‘Why did we go ahead with the maintenance chemotherapy?’ Guilt can do unimaginable damage to one’s emotional wellbeing if left unchecked. Then someone reminded me of a saying of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW). I’m going to share the full saying here, because it’s beneficial:
A strong believer is better and dearer to Allah (SWT) than a weak believer, and there is good in both. Adhere to whatever brings you benefit (in the Hereafter), seek the help of Allah (SWT), and do not feel helpless. And if anything (in the form of trouble) comes to you, don’t say: ‘If I had not done that, it would not have happened so and so’, but say: ‘Allah (SWT) did that what He had ordained to do’. And your ‘if’ opens the (gate) for the devil.
[See Sahih Muslim 2664]
We had tried our best for Yaseen, I knew this. So, I closed the door that the devil tried to open, and I try and keep it closed. As a conscious decision, I have removed the ‘if only!’ scenarios from my mind, and I reaffirmed what I already knew – Allah SWT had done what He decreed.
2.
Allah SWT did not safeguard Islam for me for more than 1400 years, making sure that it reached me, only wanting to take it away from me. Now that I had faith, it was my duty to hold onto it. My test was specifically designed for me, never to break me, only to make me better and bring me closer to Him. I can’t choose my tests in life, all I can do is choose how I respond.
3.
Gratitude is the greatest light against the darkness of depression. I had lost Yaseen and I was intensely sad, but I still have Waseem and I am immensely grateful. I had to rein myself in from focusing too much on death and ignoring life. I had to train myself to appreciate the little things in life again, for as long as I could. A beautiful sunset. Grabbing coffee with my sisters and laughing as we ordered one dessert for five of us to share. The smell of rain, and a rainbow in the distance. And I even laugh at my own jokes again! The smallest of positives make the biggest of differences.
And the greatest of positives – the support of my family and friends – was and still is, priceless. May Allah SWT reward them for all their love and support, Ameen.
4.
On the days when things got really, really tough and it became too hard to think, I operated automatically. Having salaah, Qur’an and sunnah as a habit on a good day, makes it more likely to be your habit on a bad day.
Qur’an and sunnah helped guide me, while salaah kept me connected to Allah SWT. There’s a reason why salaah was given to our Prophet SAW during the ‘year of grief’, it is a comfort. And there’s a reason why Allah SWT chose not to send down salaah to the earth, but raised the Prophet up to the highest level, nearest to Allah SWT, and then gave it to him.
5.
Have a good opinion of Allah SWT. Have a good opinion of Allah SWT. Have a good opinion of Allah SWT. And know that no matter how good our opinion of Allah SWT is, it’s still going to fall short.
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chasing Jannah – Blog Ending
I want to affirm what I mentioned at the very beginning of the blog: Whatever good you see in this blog, it is from Allah SWT. And whatever bad you see, that is from me. May Allah SWT forgive me for all my shortcomings, Ameen.
As this blog comes to an end, I want to remind you, if your test ever feels like it’s too much to bear, and you feel like you can’t make sense of things, then remove everything from your focus, except Allah SWT.
And remember the words spoken by a companion of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), a poet by the name of Labid Ibn Rab’iah RA (See Sahih Bukhari 3841).
Our Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said: The most truthful words spoken by a poet was the words of Labid:
‘Indeed, everything else besides Allah (SWT) is false…’.
All praise be to Allah, the Glorified, the Exalted. May the peace and blessings of Allah, the Most High, be upon our Prophet Muhammad.